Her Own Words
FLASHES of a scarred childhood came back to a woman in bits and pieces after she survived years of torture while she was sex trafficked by her grandfather in a "pedophile club."
Angela Rae Clark survived years of sexual abuse as a child and is using her story to help others going through a similar situation. Credit: ANGELA RAE CLARK
Angela Rae Clark, who was just five years old the first time she was sold to other men by her grandfather, says she was "groomed" for sexual abuse at a young age to the point where she was convinced there was nothing wrong with what they're doing.
Clark said it's a lifelong process to heal. Credit: ANGELA RAE CLARK
"There was a small pedophile club where I grew up, and the sexual abuse was every flavor of sexual abuse that there is," Clark tells The U.S. Sun.
Abusers create "a climate that normalized the behavior of trafficking," she says. "We don't know that it's not horrible."
Subconsciously, she erased her childhood, but the memories flooded back - and are still flooding back - to her through her nightmares.
Clark says she gets disturbing visions of "being in a lineup and being chosen."
She couldn't remember her childhood until those memories crept back into her life like pieces of a puzzle in her 20s, and they're still haunting her in her sleep.
"I have had nightmares my entire life. Sometimes, my nightmares were so violent that I wouldn't sleep for days," Clark says.
"They were very visceral and real, and I realized I was having these nightmares my entire life, and now, the nightmares made sense. It was a discovery process or remembering process.
"I didn't remember any of my childhood, and I thought it was normal, and when I hit the memory about being sold for the first time, it jarred me in a way that sexual abuse was beyond that."
"$25 EXCHANGED OVER MY HEAD"
After decades of ongoing therapy, she found her voice and journaled. She wrote in diaries. She wrote poetry. She spoke about it for the first at a Ted Talk in 2018.
"It's all part of survival," Clark said. "It's a lifelong journey to better myself."
There was a particular freeze-frame image of money being exchanged over her head that became the inspiration for her most powerful poem.
(She shared her work with The U.S. Sun, which is published below.)
"I remember $25 being exchanged over my head, and being left with a man while my grandpa waited in the car out in front of the house," Clark said. "It felt like I was at his house for hours and hours."
WHAT CLARK ENDURED HAPPENS EVERY DAY
Clark lived in a small, suburban town in middle-class middle America, which is a common breeding ground for sex trafficking, said author anti-human trafficking advocate John DiGirolamo.
DiGirolamo featured Angela's story in his most recent book "It's Not About Sex," which focuses on sex trafficking in rural and suburbia America from the vantage points of a survivor, advocate and law enforcement.
"A lot of people think that human trafficking only happens at the border or in the big cities," DiGirolamo tells The U.S. Sun. "And that's not really true.
"It can happen anywhere, anytime, anyplace and cuts across all racial, social and economic lines."
In DiGirolamo's book, he said 60percent of exploited children are recruited by someone they know.
For a lot of predators, it's more about the power to control someone than the sex, he said.
"Pedophiles often don't care if it's male or female," the acclaimed author says. "It's about having the power to have power over someone.
"So many people think that a pedophile is really driven by sex, but sex is the weapon that they can use over and over."
"EDUCATION IS NECESSARY TO CHANGE THE FUTURE"
During the interview, Clark reiterates the importance of education and reiterated a common phrase that's showcased on her website: "Human trafficking education is a necessary part of changing the future."
Through therapy and a never-ending process of bettering herself, Clark found her voice.
She's a writer. She's an advocate. She's a motivational speaker. She's a survivor.
"I just felt like it was part of what I'm supposed to do," Clark says. "I've accepted that. I think abuse survivors are supposed to tell their story."
She achieves that by telling her story in speeches or writings. It could also be a quiet strength that manifests itself through advocacy.
"Maybe somebody's supposed to be a great advocate in the field," she said. "I've met several people that work in the field with potential violence against women, and they have their own story in their background.
"They haven't publicly acknowledged it. It just helps inform their work. So, I think that everybody gets to choose their own paths themselves.
"But I think that's really an important message for survivors ... Survivors haven't heard. Their stories haven't been validated.
"During the grooming process, it was important for the abuser to limit our voice and take away our choice."
ANGELA'S POEM
twenty five dollars changes hands over my head
dirty blue and white striped mattress
iron headboard
hot, heavy air
sweaty, dirty man
hands bound to the headboard
my body twists away
my feet kick fast, furious
i fight
with all that i am, i fight
with a chuckle he says
“just what i ordered. i like me some feisty”
my 5 year old brain scrambles in horror
my fight is desirable, enticing
how can i not fight?
fight or no fight, he wins
he unties me
tells me to run for the road
i fall, twist my ankle on the broken, dry dirt
grandpa is there
he chuckles at my tears, my fear
he carries me to the car.
Clark has become an inspirational motivational speaker and says education is the key to changing the future when it comes to abuse survivors. Credit: ANGELA RAE CLARK
John DiGirolamo, author anti-human trafficking advocate, wrote this book, which includes more details of Angela's story along with different points of view about trafficking in middle America